Category Archives: Food/Drinks

When the fat Comes Back

The past couple of months, since giving up dieting, I’ve been reading Go Kaleo’s blog and have joined the Eating the Food Facebook Group (awesome support there!). I’ve also read Matt Stone’s books Eat for Heat and Diet Recovery 2 as well as Amber’s Taking up Space. Slowly, I’ve replaced all of the blogs/books I used to read about calorie restriction and the latest/greatest diet with items that promote healthy living and loving the body you have now, not the body you’re longing to have.

I’m struggling a bit though. I’ve gained weight. I went from a 55lb loss to a 33lb loss, which is still a loss but…sigh…22lbs? I “think” my scale has stopped moving up but I’m trying not to weigh myself too much because I’m afraid of what the number will be. There are plenty of other people in my camp and the common response is “be patient. Just keep going and you’ll start losing again”. Shoot, look at Amber’s results and that should speak for itself. However, on the same foot, people have laughed at others who just kept going with Paleo thinking it would eventually work for them. So, that little voice in my head starts saying “what if they’re wrong? What if they’re just saying that because that’s what they ALL say?”

I’m really trying my best not to flip out and start dropping my calories again. My metabolism is shot. I know this. I’ve been perpetually dieting since my mom made me do Weight Watchers with her when I was 11. I’m not faulting my mom, not at all. She did what she felt was right, but it also started an unhealthy view of food from then on.

When I started the re-feeding I ate whatever my body craved. What did it crave? Chocolate, candy, cake, greasy burgers, and chocolate…did I mention chocolate? So, I let myself eat it. Before, I would buy a bag of almond M&Ms. Not the small personal size but the big mama jama bag. I’d eat the whole bag in one sitting while Mike was gone or while I was at work in my office then I’d hide the evidence. I did a lot of “closet” eating like that. On my 30th day sugar free, I ate cookies, cake, and candy because I had reached my goal of 30 days and could enjoy a “little bit” now. Eating disorder? Pfft…no, I didn’t have an eating disorder. I was still fat. People with EDs are thin and make themselves either starve or throw up. That definitely was NOT me. Then again, that’s what anyone with an ED would say, isn’t it? I may not have been anorexic or bulimic but I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food.

I still have some days where I eat a lot of sugar, but I also have quite a few days where I think “oh, I can get a candy bar at lunch and be done with it by the time I get back to the office and no one will know” but then don’t do it because I don’t really want to eat it. It’s just the ED rearing its ugly head again. I recognize this now. And while it’s extremely embarrassing for me to admit I hid food, I know I’m not alone. I also understand that sugar, starch, salt, and fat help to repair a destroyed metabolism so it’s not any shock that I would be craving some of the foods I’m craving.

However, I’m still scared to death. What if all of this won’t work for me like it did for some of the others? As some people have said I am not a “special snowflake”. Tammy’s body works the same as most every one else’s. So, I just have to trust in the process and keep on keeping on.

One of the measurements for metabolism health is body temperature. If you’re below 98 degrees, then you need to do more work on your system. Also, after you eat a “warm” meal (meaning it raises the core temperature and repairs the metabolism) you should feel it. I have yet to feel that warming sensation. However, I am learning to identify certain things my body is trying to tell me. For instance, my “I’m satiated” signal is very very quiet but it is there. If I eat slow enough and listen I can identify that and stop eating. This typically happens well before I finish my entire meal. There are days though that I don’t hear it or the taste of the food is so “loud” that it overpowers that signal and I eat until I’m bursting at the seams. I know this now and with knowledge comes power. I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to post unflattering pictures here, but I will do my best to keep track of my progress.

All of that being said, and that’s quite a bit so thank you for still reading!, I am able to lift weights and can feel myself getting stronger every day. My running on the other hand has suffered because I just haven’t done it in a month. That’s ok though. My body needed a break from it so I gave it to her.

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Week 1 Done, Whole30

The first week was tough. I won’t lie. I was tired and cranky and just not feeling it! In fact, yesterday I was ready to just throw in the towel and call it good. I was tired of having to worry about what I was eating, what was in what I was eating, and how much of it I was eating. At least this hit last night after I had made the day cleanly so I didn’t break my Whole30. This morning I’m feeling a little more renewed and will give it one more week. That’s the best I can offer right now.

I made some spicy cilantro meatballs and green beans for dinner Wednesday night. It actually turned out really well! I was a little hesitant after the chicken noodle-ss soup, but I was pleasantly surprised with this recipe. Definitely a keeper. I also made it for dinner last night with julienned zucchini. I think I like the zucchini better with it!

Thursday morning Mike and I had a race, Run Thru the Woods. It was a 5 mile race and you had to keep a minimum pace of 15:00 or the sag wagon would pick you up to clear off the course. Being that I was averaging about a 15:30 pace on most of my practice runs I was a bit nervous about this one. Thankfully, I was able to keep my pace up and even finished with a record setting 14:08 pace! Official time was 1:10:41. Official post coming soon.

After the run we went home and watched the Texans game. It went on forever…and ever. Glad they won, but not so close next time guys…mmmkay? That evening we picked up a turkey dinner from Cracker Barrel and went to Mike’s parents’. That was about the extent of our Thanksgiving.

Friday I got up about 8, did a nice weight workout and headed over to my Aunt Linda’s. We worked on finishing up Dakota’s quilt top. I’m debating finishing this quilt and giving it to Jackie instead since I’m not sure a 13 year old boy will like it and doing something football themed for Dakota. He may have to get it for his birthday instead of Christmas though. It’s in the first week of January though so it’s not like I’ll have much extra time!

Saturday I slept in again until about 8. Then after putting up groceries I headed out for my 8 mile run. I forgot my Garmin, so I used an app on my phone. I think the app was wrong and I actually went further than 8 miles. Several times it was telling me my pace was 25:00…I know I wasn’t going that slow! However, I made myself go until it said I hit 8 miles then headed to Academy to do some Christmas shopping. I also picked Mike up a Garmin Forerunner 10. He mentioned a couple of times wanting to know his pace during these races so I got a Garmin that was very basic but still GPS. At dinner he told me he needed my help getting our mule (the car…not the animal) unstuck. “It’ll be easy” he said.

We spent 3 hours getting that sucker unstuck. We also had to get the skid steer unstuck and whole lot of other commotion. Let’s just say I’m glad we got it done without the skid steer dumping into the creek and someone losing an arm with a cheapo chainsaw! I’ll never trust his “It’ll be easy” again. Little did I know my “gift” I bought myself that day would be fitting!

Sunday, Mike and I went to church then he watched football while I met Aunt Linda again and did some shopping. I tried to make some Whole30 friendly pumpkin muffins, ok so it’s not really whole30 friendly since they tell you not to make “junk food substitutes” but all the ingredients were whole30 friendly, and they were a “fail”. They stuck to the pan and tasted like crap.

Aunt Linda and I walked around the Town Market area for a while and ate lunch at Tommy Bahama’s. Once we finished up there I headed home to finish watching some of the games with the family. It was a great Thanksgiving holiday!

Whole30 Day 2

Oh.my.goodness…I’m in a mood today. Just…bleh…blah…bleah. I’m only on day two and I want to quit. I don’t want to quit because I’m craving chocolate (which I am!) but because I don’t like feeling this way and I don’t like that I can’t seem to get my calories right. I was low yesterday and will be low again tonight. Eventually, I should be able to figure it out but good grief…this is kickin’ my butt. I have a run tonight but I’m not anticipating it going very well for me. I’ll keep my fingers crossed! I decided to start tracking my meals here. I may not do every day but a weekly update. We’ll see. It’ll be something worth looking back at when I figure out what foods agree and don’t agree with me!

Day 1, November 19, 2012
Breakfast: Banana, Almond Butter, 2 Hard Boiled Eggs
Snacks: Grapefruit and Cashews
Lunch: Turkey Harvest Salad from Panera, no dressing or cheese
Dinner: Chicken Noodle-ss Soup
Exercise: None…too tired.
The soup was better than I thought it was going to be. I expected it to be a bit bland, but the Dijon mustard helped spice it up a bit! My first day went pretty well. I wasn’t really wanting sugar, so that’s a good thing! Since I didn’t properly fuel my body, my workout didn’t happen today. That’s ok, I’m running on Thursday (my normal day off) so it should all work out.

Day 2, November 20th, 2012
Breakfast: Banana, Almond Butter, 2 Hard Boiled Eggs
Snacks: Grapefruit, Cashews, Larabar
Lunch: Chicken Noodle-ss Soup (not as good the second day)
Dinner: Grilled Chicken with Cilantro
Exercise: 3 Mile run along the Waterway
I woke up in a sour mood. Even was able to sleep in some. Mike keeps asking me what’s wrong, but I can’t tell him what it is because I just don’t know. The Whole30 people say this will happen but I didn’t expect it like this. I went for a 2 mile walk at lunch hoping to boost my serotonin levels and hopefully perk up some. It was a nice walk but didn’t really help! My run went really well. I was able to run faster than I have in a while but I think that’s just because I kept trying to keep up with my running group. I normally run by myself so I don’t have that extra push. Again, calories were too low…really need to figure this out. I don’t want to eat less than my BMR for too long. I’ve worked too hard to boost my metabolism as is.