When Life Becomes a Runaway Train

Life has been a bit crazy lately. I felt like a bug thrown into the toilet and flushed. Lovely image, huh?! The day Mike and I finished the Muddy Trails race I called my parents to let them know how it went when my Dad told me my Grandma was in the hospital with pneumonia. He said he didn’t think it was that big of a deal but gave me her room number and said to call before I went to visit just in case they had already sent her home. The next day, Sunday, I did some running around and was going to call to see if she was up for visitors. My phone rang and it was my Dad. He told me that Grandma had been moved from the hospital she was in to the Downtown Methodist Hospital. It turned out she didn’t have pneumonia but congestive heart failure.

Again, he said she sounded fine and was in good spirits. The doctors were going to give her some meds to hopefully help. I didn’t feel like driving all the way downtown (I do not like driving downtown, especially in the medical center area) so I figured since I had the next Friday off I’d swing by and visit with her then.

grandma

Monday she started having some issues with her kidneys not functioning correctly, but again it didn’t seem to be any reason to worry. The doctor’s felt they could help get them functioning well enough without too much trouble. She was pretty stable on Tuesday and my Dad said she still sounded good on the phone but they were still having some issues with the kidneys.

Wednesday, she entered what the doctors called an “altered mental state”. Basically, she became non-responsive as if she were in a coma. They had to put her on a breathing tube. My Dad bought a plane ticket to come in Friday so he could be with her and help if need be. I told him I’d be happy to pick him up and we’d go to the hospital together. This isn’t the first time we’ve been through something similar to this, but she’s a tough cookie and has pushed through several times!

Thursday morning she came to and was ticked off to be on a breathing tube. Grandma was back and feisty as ever! The doctors had decided to start her on dialysis because her kidneys weren’t working well enough to remove the fluid from around her heart and her liver was starting to have issues. Her blood pressure was extremely low so they were going to do it as slowly as possible so her system wasn’t stressed anymore than necessary.

Thursday at 5PM, I got a call from Mom telling me that Grandma had passed away. She hadn’t told Dad yet (This is my Dad’s Mom) because he was doing yard work outside and she had just gotten the phone call. The only thing I could think was “but we’re supposed to go see her tomorrow”. Mom said she was going to try to get a plane ticket and fly in with Dad.

So, Friday morning instead of visiting with my Grandma I picked my parents up from the airport and we met everyone at my Aunt Sharon’s house. From there we went to pick out the coffin and meet with the funeral home to set up the final arrangements. It didn’t really sink in that she was gone, even though we were talking about her funeral. It didn’t hit until her funeral the following Monday. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel quite real. She was my last grandparent. In the past 4 years, we’ve lost 6 people.  My Aunt Gertrude, my Uncle Rudolph, my Uncle Richard, my Grandpa (my Dad’s Dad), my cousin Karen and now my Grandma.

The service was beautiful and it was great to be around all the love of my family. My brother drove in with the boys so I got to see my him and my nephews, which is always nice! However, since then I’ve just kinda been floating around in a fog. I’ve exercised off and on, I haven’t been consistent at all. I don’t feel like doing much of anything. However, it’s time to get back to it! I am blessed to be in good health so I need to take advantage of that and keep moving/improving the best I can. The last thing I want is to be a burden on Mike when I’m older and one way to try to avoid that is taking care of myself now.

This next weekend I have a race in Fredricksburg with my friend Amy and I can’t wait! I haven’t been running since my Muddy Trails race, but that’s ok. This “race” is more about enjoying the flowers as it winds through a wildflower farm and spending time with a dear friend!

Muddy Trails 10K 2013, The Woodlands, TX.

Happy five years of Muddy Trailing it! This was my first race (2008) I ever participated in (5K) and I can honestly say one of the more challenging races. Mike has been doing the 10K while I do the 5K (2009, 2010, 2012). This year I decided I was going to do the 10K because I had yet to do an actual 10K race. I have done plenty of 5Ks, a 5 miler, a 10 miler, a couple of 1/2 marathons, and a marathon relay but no 10K!

I decided this year that I didn’t want to carry my phone/camera with me so I only have a shot of Mike and I at the end of the race. Sorry guys! Last year they had an issue with the shuttles that were supposedly fixed this year, however we saw a lot of people walking again and the line for the shuttle was long so Mike and I walked from the parking area to the race site (1.5 miles). We got there just as the kids were finishing their fun run and the 5K race was going to start. Thankfully, I had time to cool off a little bit in the shade before starting the run.

At 4:05 they put us all in the corrals so we’d be ready to go at 4:15. However, someone in the 5K group took a wrong turn, which means a lot of lemmings took it too, so we were postponed until about 4:30 so the 5Kers could clear out. Finally, the buzzer sounded and we were off. I had two ladies behind me from the beginning and passed a woman on the first loop. Since it had been raining this week the dust wasn’t as bad as it typically is; However, the ground was quite soft in some areas. The last time I had run was about a week before the race and boy could I feel it.

I felt like I was running the race on my own for most of the time since I couldn’t see anyone in front of me nor the people behind me. I would see the other racers when we were on an out and back portion because they were coming back while I was still going out! I ran into two of my running buddies from my group this last fall. That was pretty cool! I was hoping I would NOT see Mike here because if I did that meant I had a looonnnng way to go still. Mike is about twice as fast as I am. I also happened to see the woman I passed at the beginning of the race. I know she didn’t pass me again, so apparently she decided to take a short cut. Oh well, her loss.

My legs were so heavy on this run and the sand/roots were not my friend. I almost face planted a couple of times but thankfully I recovered and no one was there to see it! No witnesses means it didn’t happen…except I’ve already told y’all! Usually Mike comes back to find me and finish the race with me when he’s done but I was getting close to the end and had yet to see him.

I finally got to the paved portion which meant a little over a quarter mile and I was finished! There was Mike, walking toward me. He had apparently gone back to find me but the woman at the aid station said there were only 2 people left in the race and my bib number wasn’t one of them. Not sure who he talked to or when, but I was still there…pushing along!

As I came up on the finish line a lot of the people eating crawfish were cheering me on, which was nice but at the same time I have this voice in the back of my head saying “awww…let’s cheer on the slow poke, she definitely needs it”. Donna and Patty (my running buddies) were there to high five me on my way in too. All in all, for being tired and ready to stop I was actually in a pretty good mood at the end! It took me 1:41: 52, which was a 16:26 minute mile but that’s ok. I was doing a lot of ups and downs on the trail. Just for comparison, I finished my marathon relay portion in 1:28 (6.25 miles) which was roughly the same distance but was flat!

I plopped down on the grass for a little bit just to catch my breath then decided it was time to go. We couldn’t find where the shuttle was picking people up from and I really didn’t want to stop for too long otherwise I’d get stiff so Mike and I walked back to our car (another 1.5 miles!). By the end of the day I’d gone 9 miles!

MT10K

We went to Panera Bread where I treated myself with a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, and a fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookie! I don’t know if I’ll do this race again next year since my friend Amy wants me to do the Hero run and I don’t know if it will be the same day again…but we’ll see!

One thing that stands out to me, this is my 5th year of races! That is awesome! I would NEVER have thought I’d run races let alone doing them consistently for 5 years. I feel like a badass!

When did thin=healthy?

As I mentioned on my facebook page today, most everyone on here knows I’ve struggled with my weight for years…decades. I’ve always thought “if I can just get down to 160, I’ll be happy” like it was a guarantee. What I’ve learned over the years of altering my diet/s and pushing myself to workout because that’s what I’m supposed to do is that it doesn’t really work. I’m not much smaller than I was last year. In fact, I’ve gained a couple of pounds. I typically don’t discuss weight loss with anyone unless they bring it up because it is a very personal and touchy subject. After reading several books, articles, and blog posts with competing ideas, it’s obvious none of us really have the key to weight loss. But…maybe that’s the problem.

We’re so focused on weight loss that we forego health in order to reach an ideal number. I’m tired. I’m tired of stressing over it. I’m tired of feeling like a failure because the scale hasn’t budged. So, I quit. I’m no longer going to worry about losing weight but rather focus on being healthy. Would I like to be smaller? Sure…I think I would look better smaller, but that’s totally a because of vanity! If I’m healthy, I should be able to do the things I want to do REGARDLESS of my size. I will continue to exercise/workout in a way that brings me happiness or peace of mind, not because I ate a donut that I need to burn off. I will also continue to try to make better food choices because that will lead to a healthier me. If, in the process, I lose some fat, great! I’ll take it. But I will not let my size/weight/arbitrary number on the BMI scale determine my mood for the day or my self worth. Right now, at this point in time, at my current size, I am a enough/worthy/valuable/loved.

I want to be strong and proud of what I can accomplish with my body. My body should be appreciated by me instead of constantly belittled. I’ve gotten better over time of stopping the negative self talk, but it’s still there. Until I can treat myself the way I would treat a dear friend, I’m missing the point.

I’m Still Here!!

I have a few posts I need to catch up with. I have some great photos of modern quilts from QuiltCon that I need to share, as well as an update on my first Marathon Relay, and an awesome benefit for the animals of Austin!

I will try my best to get those up this week! Thanks for hanging in there with me!